My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
The upside of a losing football weekend is that there are more sad frat boys willing to let loose their inner gay man.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
