I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Whatever. I'm just trying to get my dick sucked while taking online harmonica lessons
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
