He uses pillows to masturbate.
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
Randomize
