I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She introduced herself and then asked "have you ever fucked a girl with a cast?"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
Bouncer came into the bathrooms to tell us the old one-person-per-stall rule, realised it was two girls banging, and left us to it. Lesbiperks.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
