My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
Randomize
