The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
hey im home...im not sure how this mcdonalds got here but whatever im gonna eat it anyway.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
