Kiss
Puke
He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
k so who do I think I'm kidding applying to culinary school? I just fucked up a microwaveable pizza
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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