nailed a girl as she was wearing a darth vader shirt. Cross that one off my list.
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I can only only sleep there on nights I orgasm cause he snores so loud and if he leaves me hanging one more time ill probably cut off his dick from lack of sleep and frustration
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
Listening to sad Lana Del Rey songs together is an integral part of the lesbian bonding process
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
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