I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
