I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Apparently drunk me thought it was time for a career change. I woke up with a message from Mcdonalds saying that I was hired as the new cashier.
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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