She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Fortunatly we found him, he was on my roof. Unfortunatly, we can't say the same for his pants. Still looking. BRB.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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