we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
maybe i would like her more if 99% of her sentences didn't start with "yesterday when i was reading twilight..."
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I mistook a propane tank for a keg.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
I know for sure he's a bro because he closed the door so my gf didn't see me hooking up with her cousin.
No, this is non-alcoholic oatmeal.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
