Whoever said drinking more helps a hangover didn't drink 96% of a fifth of whiskey last night. This is absurd.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
This glow in the dark vibrator will get me through this power outage
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
No, supporting your unemployed boyfriend IS NOT what credit cards are for.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
