Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Randomize
