dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
Randomize
