we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
In other news, just had to pluck an ingrown pub with the pliers from my multi tool while sitting on the toilet at work.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
Randomize
