I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
