he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
yeah, that's what i said too. right before i tackled that street sign.
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
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