nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
The biggest loser is alot easier to jack off to at the end of the season
Ohh man do you know how awkward it is to keep eye contact and have a normal conversation with someone while their hand is in your vagina?
It's like....nice talking about real estate but your son gave me herpes
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
I just woke up hand cuffed to the bar and shirtless, so yeah I think I need you to come get me.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
