you kept yelling 'bird cage' in between songs and finally the lead singer stopped to ask if you meant 'free bird' and you said 'fuck you, i'm not gay', needless to say you were kindly escorted out
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I don't know, Alex. I don't know. I lost my keys, my debit card, my makeup bag, broke my purse, had to have someone cut my shoe off, I have no idea where my costume is. I woke up next to the biggest douchebag I know and made out with this other guy while SIMULTANEOUSLY talking on the phone to the guy I'm talking to...
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
Randomize
