You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
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we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
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The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
I felt so bad but my urge to be with you & drunkenly eat your face was apparently much stronger.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Randomize