I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
You know it's a good party when even the dealers were too fucked up. Just found and counted 140 E pills I found in a bag in the couch. Just paid for weed this month.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Double high-fived his wife and her sister on the way out. If I'm not the best mistress ever tell me how.
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