I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Randomize
