I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
My mom just told me to make sure my face isn't on the front cover of the newspaper on 4/21. Challenge accepted
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
WHY DIDN'T YOU INVITE ME TO RUN THROUGH TACO BELL'S SPRINKLERS AT 4AM?!
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
You're a waste of cheezeits
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Randomize
