guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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