he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
