lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
Well you fished my watch out of a possibly vomit filled toilet so I think we're bros now.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Randomize
