next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
Oh god. It's my first day here, I'm still drunk and somebody just drifted in a forklift. I'm going to die.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
woke up to find i out made out with his roommate before hooking up with him. breakfast was awkward to say the least
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
Randomize
