____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
the condom got lost in my hair
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Guys with values who care about your personality don't cum on your back the 2nd time they you sleep with you.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Randomize
