Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
