Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
