My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
So the last day on the vacation I woke up in the bath tub. My mom said she asked me during the night what I was doing and I said, "swimming."
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I haven't included my nuts in a shave since the Shaq/kobe Lakers era. I gave my self the ol full court press in order to change the tempo.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
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