Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Beard. Chest hair. Job.
The holy trinity.
Here's the thing. Kinda drunk. Eating leftover soup. In bed. Watching Disney channel.
Randomize
