just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I'm afraid to text her because most of the time she just replies with "cockblock."
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Dude, I'm telling you, date younger. He brought pizza, made me squirt twice, and then left to immediately go to brunch with his mom.
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
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