well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I will pee on everything he values.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
I have to sanitize my nipples and its just to cold in here for it to be ok
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
He got up after sex and said "is it wrong if I say happy Mother's Day?"
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
