Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
FUUUUUCK she froze all my quaters inside the ice cubes again
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
It is a sign that I need a fresh start when Kelly Clarksons new album tells the story of my life.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
Have you ever been anal in a bush on the Vegas strip drunk?
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
