well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
I can do anything tonight that doesnt involve an erection.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
Randomize
