god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
I almost spit out my drink. But only almost, because it was vodka. And you don't spit out vodka.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Learned two new lessons today: 1) Do not identify pills found in one's car by taking them to see what happens, especially while at work, and 2) There is no logical reason to keep ambien in one's vehicle...
Randomize
