So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
will i regret this in the morrning? probably. but every decision is good during happy hour
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
There were containers of weed in the piñata. How much more Colorado does it get
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Never underestimate the power of titties
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
