Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
She leaned in close to me, made eye contact, and seriously whispered "I will eat your soul with bacon bits." I want whatever drug she was on.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
