Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
Excuse you? I'm an asshole at least 90% of the time. Get it right.
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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