You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
No more Irish car bombs ever.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Randomize
