he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
My bosses just told me they met their wives on one night stands. I'm stoked.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
