You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Any sexual interaction is meaningless without pizza during half time.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Do I masturbate or eat a pound of matazah. Alissa help what do I do??
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Just bedazzled a flask, while drinking out of it. Hot glue is EVERYWHERE.
Randomize
