maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
no he just sat there holding the hammer and grinning insanely
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
OMG I accidentally abducted a cat. Now there is a cat in my apartment. I NEED TO UNDO WHAT I HAVE DONE
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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