I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Randomize
