remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
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I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
Chicks, chicks everywhere, and not a drop to drink. Dude, when did real life lesbians get HOT?
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
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Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
They offered me pot brownies in 7 minutes flat. Imagine my horror when I had to be like, are those gluten free?
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I need something that says "I'm gay sometimes but I feel scorned by my straight, non-committal lover, so I'm here to get drunk and make out, and possibly end up in a bathroom with someone who's name I won't remember tomorrow"
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
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