Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Drunk me made cabbage burritos at 1am after going to hustler hollywood.\nI bought socks. Lol
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