you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Bitch looked at my dick and said "I thought they called you horsecock, I'm already disappointed"
I told you that line would get her home never said it was a good idea
Sleeping with random people is the same as soul searching, right? Ps that wasn't a team name suggestion.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
And I'm bringing my coffee cup of wine.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
Randomize
