Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
How do I discreetly dispose of sex toy packaging that is recyclable? What to do...what to do?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
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