I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
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Wouldn't be the first time..I think there's a subliminal message constantly playing in my mind that says 'blackout', 'throwing up is fun' 'too sober'
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If I was 5 years younger and single...
She STILL wouldn't fuck you.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
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In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
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