fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
Nooo. I was entirely happy pretending that my vagina only existed for peeing and releasing Satan's waterfall.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
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