Her name starts with A and ends with whore.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
There’s a child, alone, sitting on a picnic table out there, making bird noises
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