fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
Randomize
