she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
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I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
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So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
you went over there?
His drunk texts were grammatically perfect. At least our kids will be smart.
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