my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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