I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
