I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
that beer fried lasagna last night was sooo good
that wasnt beer fried lasagna, you just poured beer on my lasagna
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
There's still flour in my hair. And I don't even want to know what the neighbors think happened infront of my house.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
