So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
complete strangers are now referring to me as 'the bourbon guy.' i can live with this.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
