My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
I left my bra and a book at his place. He's a hot Scandinavian who is into physics and computers - had to step up my game.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
Casey, if you want the continuing love of our mother, you're gonna need to stop drunk texting her from PCB.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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