..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
It's like a puppy that we have to take care of at all times or else she'll get sad, lonely, and chew on the furniture. And by 'chew on the furniture', I mean have anonymous sex.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
Either im tripping real hard, or there's a legit land shark in my apartment.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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