so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
My Yoga instructor is playing the music from 'Requiem for a Dream' it makes me very reluctant to put my ass in the air
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
Summers almost over and we haven't golfed, got naked or had sex yet. Let's do all three in one day, no particular order.
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
