i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
My dog and I just went outside to pee together.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
