Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
Just spent a extra 20 minutes on the phone with the lady from unemployment talking about how to make the best brownies.
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I just took two shots of Burnerts out of a ladle. Get here now.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
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