he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Congratulations! We have a period
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Randomize
