ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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