Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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