We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Randomize
