I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I mean we havent seen each other since december and then bam its cinco de mayo and were having sex under a life guard tower taking tequila shots between each position. no big deal
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
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