Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Sober January is a disaster.
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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