I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Hangover and judgement, the breakfast of champions.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
