I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
The guy at the ER said it was the first time he's given stitches for a funneling accident. Then he seemed upset that I took pride in that...
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
A guy was over-the-skirt fingering me on the dance floor and I stopped him to sensually rap in his ear. So that was my Halloweekend
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
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