I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
We pulled over so he could pee and the next thing I know he's running down the hill by himself with his pants down
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I never want to hear the words unlimited shots for boobs in the same sentence ever again.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
Randomize
